4 Birthday Suits in a Suite
by Interest Me
Summary: Brennan wakes up in a strange motel room. Where is she? Where are her clothes? And who is the man behind her? With both Booth and Brennan missing in action, Foster must piece it together to find his friends.
1. Chapter 1

Birthday Suits in a Suite

Chapter One

Susan H.

Brennan woke and inhaled. Her pillow smelled wrong, and her blanket felt too rough. Where was her top sheet? Her head banged her left eye shut when she tried to open it. A deep voice moaned softly behind her.

The weight of a male arm rested on her waist. She fought harder to open her eyes, but the effort washed nausea over her body. Her last thought was that she definitely felt bare skin against her back.

***

Consciousness tickled and tapped at Brennan's brain again. The room was darker now, and she opened her eyes. Her previously banging head only thudded. Warm breath washed down her neck to her back. Had she met someone? Wouldn't she remember?

"Um, excuse me." She croaked.

"Hmm?" the unidentified man stirred.

After the nausea stopped threatening her, Brennan tried again.

"Um, please wake up."

She heard groaning, and the arm pulled her tighter. Her body stiffened. She took a deep breath, braced herself for the worst, and yelled, "Wake up!" and then she retched.

The body behind her stirred, and rolled away from her, in the process taking away Brennan's support so she fell on her back.

"Booth!"

"Bones!" He lifted the blanket and looked at his body. "You finally got me drunk and had your way with me!"

"Are you crazy?"

"You roofied me!" He grabbed his head and lay back down and was unconscious in seconds.

Brennan fought, but she too gave into the darkness.

***

The next time Brennan woke up, the room was dark.

"Booth?"

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

They both lay on their backs with their arms outside the blanket creating a barrier between their bodies.

"I think we were drugged. I'm fairly certain that when I'm able to stand, the door will be locked. What's the last thing you remember?" He asked.

"I remember filling your pink thermos with some excellent coffee I bought at a specialty store."

"I remember heading to a small town in Virginia."

"What town?"

"I can't remember."

"Who would want to take our clothes and lock us in a room together?"

"Angela."

"Maybe, but she would never act on it Booth."

"Well, we have a nude Special Agent, and a nude Genius. I'm pretty sure we'll break out soon, after a little nap." Booth fell asleep.

Brennan stared at the black ceiling, feeling too weak to try and find a light switch, she too, fell asleep.

***

Brennan opened her eyes, and the room looked like dawn. Booth again held her tightly against him. Brennan relaxed into his embrace. She reasoned that nobody could prove it anyway, so she may as well enjoy the moment.

***

A short time later, she felt Booth wake up. He gently removed his arm, and carefully lay on his back, using his arm on top of the blanket as a barrier again.

"Hey Bones, wake up."

"Hmmm?" she said, feigning sleep.

"We gotta get out of here."

"I'm awake," she said and rubbed her eyes.

Booth sat up and started gathering the blanket around himself.

"Hey!" Brennan protested and held on to her half of the blanket.

"I have to get up Bones."

"Yeah, well you can't take the blanket."

Brennan's head flopped back when Booth grabbed her pillow. He stood up with a pillow in front of him and a pillow behind him, and ran into the small bathroom and slammed the door. The sounds of ripping fabric came from the bathroom. Brennan yanked the fitted sheet off the bed, it was the only sheet in the room, and fashioned a toga type covering for herself.

Brennan heard water running, and then Booth brushing his teeth.

"Hey Bones," he yelled through the door.

"Can you believe they left us some motel toiletries?"

"I would prefer clothes."

Booth walked out, and Brennan laughed. The ripping sound was Booth turning the pillow cases into a loin cloth. His bright orange socks added color to the ensemble.

"You got to keep your socks? That's just wrong. Where are my socks?"

"Not a priority at this time Bones. First, we need to take stock of what we do have."


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: I'm sorry I forgot to mention in Chapter One, this is the 4th story in a series. They are enjoyed best in order: 1 The Memory in the Amnesia, 2 Booths R Us, 3 The Death in the Vow. Thanks for reading--Susan

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Two

Susan H.

"No, first I get to brush my teeth too."

Brennan entered the bathroom and freshened up the best she could considering the circumstances. Happily, the mirror had been removed, so she didn't need to stare the truth in the face. As she brushed, she inventoried. Two wash rags, and two face towels, motel soaps, shampoos, lotion, powder, toothpaste, flimsy combs, deodorant, and two extra toothbrushes. She gathered it all, and dropped the pile on the bed.

She looked around the room for something more. The room was void of everything but the bed.

"They leave us talcum powder, but we can't have a chair," she said, and sat on the bed.

"Yeah, it's weird. We are obviously in a motel room. The windows are high and small, so we are in a basement room. I can see the parking lot, but no cars."

"Well, let's break the window and scream for help."

"No. There are no cars in the parking lot. My guess is this motel is abandoned. If you break the window, no one will hear us scream, and you won't fit through it. The asphalt is wet, so I assume it's been raining. We don't want to have to deal with the elements, in our current condition."

"Yes, that's excellent thinking."

"Thank you Bones. We have six walls in an L-shaped room. That long wall has windows, the short bathroom wall has windows, and the short wall on our left has windows. We can't get out that way. But, the wall with the door, and the wall that completes the L in front of the bed lead into the hallway."

"Wow, I'm impressed."

"The first rule of captivity Bones, is escape."

A loud scraping noise filled the room, the door opened a crack, a gun slipped in, and a bag flew in. The door slammed shut, and more scraping.

Booth picked up the bag.

"Breakfast," he said. "The door must be barred. No use trying to break through the door. It's too expected, and probably guarded."

He brought the bag to the bed, opened a napkin, and began laying out the feast.

"What is this?" Brennan asked.

"Don't you recognize sausage and egg on an English Muffin?"

"I'm really not hungry, Booth."

"First rule of captivity Bones, keep up your strength. Take in protein."

"I thought you said the first rule was to escape."

"We need strength to escape Bones."

"Well, I'm just saying, if the rules are going to be numbered, then at least make it consistent. And that food is trash, it will kill you."

"You know Bones I was trying to think of a way to tell you that we were going to have to eat cockroaches to keep up our strength. I was devising a way to catch a rodent. I think you need to be very grateful for this unhealthy food, because I don't want to force you to eat a rat."

"Well, okay then. At least a rat would be leaner," she complained.

They ate in silence, and shoved the trash into the bag, and added the bag to their growing pile of inventory.

"I think this little wall in front of us is our best way out."

"So bust it open Booth."

"No, we can't just bust through, because we don't know what is waiting on the other side. It's drywall, so, if we cut through our side, the middle will be mostly hollow except for support beams. That will allowus to cut a peephole into the drywall on the other side of the support beams. Then we can gauge what we are up against."

"Okay, sounds like a great plan. What do we use to cut through?"

Booth searched every inch of the room, and Brennan watched appreciatively. He rubbed his hands along all edges and into corners. He crawled on the floor and searched the carpet. He lifted the leg of the bed, and found that a runner was screwed into the bottom.

He unscrewed it and held it up triumphantly. Years of unidentified particles sprinkled his arm. Brennan imagined the treasures Hodgins could find in the gunk**.**

"This will work!" he announced, and removed another screw from another leg. "And, we can both work on it. Heh, Heh."


	3. Chapter 3

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Three

Susan H.

"They could be dead," Angela dabbed her eyes.

"We need to assume they are alive, or we won't be able to help them," Cam said, with her arms folded.

"How can I help them? I don't have any bugs, slime or particulates. I suck." Hodgins said.

The three were meeting in the small lounge that overlooked the forensic's section of the Jeffersonian.

"I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late." Sweets announced.

"I'm here too. I thought the extra brain might help."

"Hi Daisy," the original three said in unison.

"The FBI won't tell me anything." Cam said.

"Yeah, remember when Booth went missing. They wouldn't even give Brennan any information, and she was his partner," Angela said.

"Yeah, Dr. B called in a false tip to the FBI, that's still hot," Hodgins said.

All heads turned toward him.

"What? Can't I remember the good times?"

"OK," Cam said, "No offense to the brains gathered here," she glanced at Daisy, "but we need reinforcements people." She opened her phone and dialed.

"Agent Foster, hello. This is Dr. Saroyan from the Jeffersonian," she paused and listened.

"Exactly, they don't call you Special Agent for nothing. Please keep us updated, and let us know if we can help." Cam closed the phone.

"Well, Foster is on the case. All we can do now is continue brainstorming."

"Just one bug, or some slime, and I could find them anywhere on the earth."

"Dr. Brennan has always been my hero. I mean even though she fired me, I always felt we could work past that. You know?"

"They were my most interesting case study. The two of them worked so well together, when they should have been completely dysfunctional. How will I finish this research?"

Cam shook her head, and spoke to the ceiling, "Squints!"

"Oh, they just loved to bicker. I'm going to miss that most of all," Angie blew her nose.

"And artists!" Cam told the ceiling.

***

"I'm just saying that if you hold this patty up to the light, there is definitely a green sheen to it. Look Booth, it's green!"

"Bones put it back on the bun and eat it."

Brennan stepped away from the window and rebuilt her burger.

"Well, at least there is tomato. Although it's an unusual pink. How do you suppose they make tomatoes a color like this?"

"You know, maybe if you talk real nice to their gun, they will take an order next time. We need to get to work on the wall, and I need you strong."

Brennan sat on the bed and ate a fry.

"So, do you remember anything else?" she asked.

"I remember a small town sheriff, and a bank. You were with me, so a horrible, gruesome, nightmarish, oozing death was probably involved, but I can't prove that."

"I wonder what happened to your thermos of specialty roast," Brennan said and bit into the suspicious burger.

"It was your thermos Bones, so I hope you find it."

"Have you decided where to cut the wall yet?"

"Don't rush me Bones. Tactically, it has to be right."

"It's not a diamond, for goodness sake."

"No, Bones, it's more important than a diamond."

"I just think you're enjoying this too much. Do you live your life just hoping for opportunities to show off your special training?"  
"No, I live my life hoping to be locked up naked, with a naked woman, who I can impress with my survival training. I mean, as fantasies go, I never thought this one would come true."

Brennan didn't even look at him, "Flattery means nothing to me. You should know that."

"Yeah, sorry, I think the green meat is affecting my brain."

"Probably. Tarzan."

"What?"

"What, what?"

"Did you just call me Tarzan?"

"No."

"Well, you're one to talk Aphrodite."

"Hmm, interesting choice, Greek Goddess of Love. I would have chosen Athena, goddess of wisdom, because, you know, I'm a genius."

"Do you feel better now?"

"I feel great. How about you?"

"I'm feeling good. Let's get to work."


	4. Chapter 4

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Four

Susan H.

Booth knelt in front of the wall, and tapped it with his finger. He drew a rectangle with a bar of soap. He then drew a small square in the middle of his chosen range.

Brennan watched his back muscles shift under his skin with each movement.

"Okay, Bones, first we cut out this little square. That way, I can take a look inside, for surprises, before we commit to the larger opening."

"So what kind of surprises do you expect to find?"

"Would you please define surprise for me?"

"Point taken."

"I'll carve the first opening."

Brennan lay on her side and propped her head with her hand. "I'll watch."

Booth started scraping along the lines with the screw he found in the bed's leg. His shoulder muscles worked with him.

***

Foster parked his car outside a small diner in Round Hill Virginia. He entered and turned the coffee cup up at his table. A tall waitress filled it.

"Hello," she said cheerily.

"Hello, how are you today."

"Well just wonderful Honey Bear." She smiled. "You passing through?"

"I'm not sure yet. You must not get many strangers here."

"No, it's a tiny town. I usually recognize all the faces."

"Well, I guess that's just part of that small town hospitality."

"No, that's my hospitality. I don't live here. It's a bit rich for my paycheck. They have to ship in their waitresses and maids," She laughed.

Foster laughed with her. He noted the gold highlights in her red hair, and the lack of a gold band on her finger. Her name tag read Franny.

"Well, that's too bad. See, I'm a small town boy at heart, and I'm looking to retire. Life in the big city just never sat well with me. When I saw the population was 500, I thought maybe I found a piece of my childhood."

"Well that is the sweetest thing." She smiled.

"So Franny, do you have any recommendations?"

"For food, or a nice small town?"

"Food for now, however, when your shift is up, I'd sure like to have dinner with you and talk about small towns."

"What's your name Darlin'?"

"Dillon. Dillon Foster, but you can call me Darlin'," he smiled.

"Darlin', you can't go wrong with burger and fries here. Everything else is a bit iffy."

"Well, then I'll go with your suggestion."

"I get off at 6:00."

***

Brennan bent over Booth's shoulder as he peered into the peephole he just cut.

"Bones, I barely have enough light as it is. Can you please back up some? I'll let you have a look."

"Any surprises?"

"Still checking." He reached his fingers into the small hole, and touched the surface of the outside layer of wall.

"Small surprise," he said.

"What is it?"

"They didn't bother with drywall on the outside of this wall. They just attached cheap paneling directly to the beams.

"Well, that's a good surprise."

"Not really. The screw will cut through the paper and plaster that makes up the drywall, but I'm not sure about the paneling. We'll just have to wait and see. On the other hand, it could mean the wall was protected, possibly by a coat rack. That would be a good thing. It would offer us some cover."

"My turn?"

"Yes. Grab a screw and let's get to work on this."

"Okay, but can I make a suggestion? If we rub the screws across a bar of soap, it will act as a type of lubricant, possibly making the job easier."

"Great suggestion Bones, I could have used it while scraping the peephole free."

"Sorry, I just thought of it."

The two knelt side by side and repeatedly scored through layers of paint, paper, and plaster. Loud scraping at the door caused them both to jump.

"Dinner," Booth said.


	5. Chapter 5

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Five

Susan H.

Franny smiled brightly at Foster when he walked into the diner.

"Hello Darlin'."

"Hello Franny. Well, we are on your turf, so, do you have a restaurant in mind?"

"There's a nice little place 5 miles outside town. It's quiet, the food is decent, and we could talk."

"Now that sounds perfect. Let me just write down the directions, and I'll meet you there."

"Oh, I thought we could drive together."

"Franny, I don't know you yet, but more importantly, you don't know me. You should not get into a car with me. As a matter of fact," he pulled out his keys, and disconnected his pepper spray, "if I try anything, nuke me!"

"Well, when you put it that way, let me write out those directions for you."

She handed him the directions and said, "I'm surprised that a big guy like you carries pepper spray."

"Oh, I keep it on hand for mean dogs."

"What about mean people?"

"I just shoot them."

"Darlin' you are so funny."

They parked side by side at the restaurant, but Franny had the spray at the ready with a big smile on her face.

"Are you friend or foe," she asked.

Foster held the door open for her, "Friend".  
The waitress seated them and took their drink order.

"So," Franny said.

"So, do you have any children?"

"I have 3 adult children, and 4 grandbabies. You?"

"No, I never had any children. I regret it, because I think I would have enjoyed being a father, but life deals the deck, we just play the hand."

"A philosopher! Were you ever married?"

"Yes, I was married to my high school sweetheart, Maria, for 15 years. She died 20 years ago, and I just never remarried."

"That's really sad."

"Not anymore. I don't feel sad. It was sad at the time. What about you?"

"Well, I married my high school sweetheart when I was 16, instead of finishing high school. He was so handsome, and such a bad boy. You know how stupid some girls can get. I married him pregnant, and pretty much stayed pregnant for the next 4 years."

"So what happened to him?"

"That's anybody's guess. I suppose child number three pushed him over the edge, and he made like a bad country song. Went out for cigarettes and never came back. Good riddance!"

"Did you remarry?"

"No, I just worked hard at raising my kids. I worked hard to teach my two daughters to value themselves and not make Mama's mistakes. I taught my son that if he didn't respect women, then I would always have a 2 by 4 with his name on it. They are great kids, and great parents too."

"Sounds like they learned from the best."

"I wasn't a saint. There were days I was so tired, I would just scream at them. Then I would hate myself. I would apologize. Some days, I just locked myself in my bedroom, for their protection. But, somehow, we made it through intact."

The waitress brought their order. They ate silently for a short while.

"I think I'm going to buy my daughters some of this pepper spray."

"Great, maybe the three of you can sign up for some self defense classes."

Frannie giggled, "Yes, we southern women are known for our ability to take down an attacker."

"Oh sure. It's a different era, north or south."

"I know, I was just making a joke."

Foster chuckled, "Sorry."

"I'm hoping that I've gained enough wisdom to choose wisely, if I ever remarry. I had the cutest couple in the diner 2 days ago. They were attractive, and they never stopped talking. Actually, they bickered, but it wasn't a bad kind of bickering. You could just hear the love in it.

"Sometimes, people bicker because they resent the other person so much, they just can't bring themselves to ever agree with them. Sometimes, people bicker because they are both so opinionated.

"I think some people bicker because they can, and it's more like a game. That was these two. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I know the type," Foster agreed, "So were they just passing through?"

"I believe so. They were looking for the sheriff. I gave them directions."

"Who is the sheriff in these parts?" Foster asked.

"Big John Hamill. He's been the sheriff for 20 years now."

"May I have your phone number Frannie?"

"Why you sure can Darlin'."


	6. Chapter 6

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Six

Susan H.

The room grew too dark to work soon after Brennan and Booth finished eating. They both took showers in the dark, and now lay beside each other protected by a toga, and a loincloth.

"That didn't look like any chicken I've ever seen," Brennan said.

"Yeah, I have to agree."

"Were you captured many times Booth?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, there is nothing to read. No music to listen to. No work to do. I'm lying next to you, in bed, barely dressed, and it just feels right to ask important questions."

"I see your point."

"You know, in El Salvador, I was taken captive while identifying a dead girl."

"No Bones, you never told me that. What happened?"

"They covered my head in a bag, and threw me in a cell with no windows. I had no way of knowing how much time passed. They told me every day they were going to kill me and throw me in a well."

Booth found her hand and laced his fingers through hers.

"How long were you there?"

"When they released me, I learned I was there three days. I had thought it was much longer."

Booth squeezed her hand. She squeezed back.

"Bones, is that why you beat up that Salvadorian gang leader?"

"I disliked him very much, but yes, that was the underlying reason."

"I was never going to tell you this. Maybe I shouldn't now."

"Booth, you can't do that to me. You started, so just tell me."

"It's just that, the guy you beat up put a contract out on you."

"What?"

"You shamed him. Life is cheap to him."

"I'm still alive."

"Yeah, I know. He and I had a talk, hombre to hombre. He saw things my way."

Brennan turned on her side, facing him.

"Is that why you were late for the funeral?"

"Yes…"

Brennan pressed her lips to his, and held his face with both palms. She pulled up and then kissed him harder running her finger tips across his chest, and down his stomach. Booth wrapped both arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. Brennan pulled away slightly, but Booth followed her and laid gentle kisses on her lips, face and neck.

Brennan tugged his shoulders and back, and tried to pull him on top of her, but he stopped her. He spoke against her lips. "Why do you want this?"

"What?"

"Why?"

"Attraction, hormones, this situation, gratitude, you're incredibly sexy in a loin cloth, boredom."

"Those aren't the reasons I'm looking for."

"Booth, what do you want from me? What could be more perfect than this?"

"I already told you. Besides, I don't have protection, do you?"

"My birth control lasts for five years. I don't have any STD's, do you?"

"I'm sorry Temperance, I can't risk appendicitis again. There are no surgeons available."

"You don't have an appendix, Booth."

"I know, but I still have the same heart. I don't want that to hurt either."

They silently lay on their backs and held hands. Finally Brennan said, "Okay," and turned away from him.

He turned toward her, and put his arm around her waist. Brennan leaned back against him, and sleep came surprisingly easily


	7. Chapter 7

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Seven

Susan H.

"It's been two nights now, has Foster found anything?" Angie asked wiping tears.

"I think he has a lead. He is visiting some sheriff today. He says he has it on good authority that Brennan and Booth were heading to see him," Cam said.

"How did he know where to start?" Hodgins asked.

"Well, standard procedure, in any law enforcement, would be to trace credit card statements, or any other trail that can be found. I'm sure that led Foster to a starting point," Cam answered.

"Well, that's almost as good as a bug, I guess."

"Science isn't everything Hodge Podge, law enforcement has its tricks too."

"Actually, I can break that statement down, and argue that everything is indeed science."

"Maybe later Hodge." Cam answered quickly.

"What if it's too late? Then none of this even matters," Angie cried.

"Not time to panic yet Angie. I'll let you know when that time comes." Cam said. "Now, what do you say we all go hide in an office before Daisy gets here?"

Everyone lunged for an office.

***

That morning, Foster sat in his car watching City Hall. A large man exited, and Foster compared it to his picture of John Hamill. John climbed into his police car and drove away.

Foster skipped up the City Hall steps.

"Good Morning, Good Morning!" he said to the receptionist.

"Where is that Big John?"

"Sir, you just missed him."

"Well, when do you expect him back?"

"I could call him for you."

"No need, No need ma'am. I can come back. He and I are old friends from the Navy.

"John served in the Marines."

"I know that ma'am. That's a private joke between me and the big guy. You tell him his old navy friend dropped by, and he'll know who you're talking about." Foster laughed.

"Oh," the receptionist laughed with him.

"I'm just passing through, but I heard about that bank robbery you all had here. It's a terrible world when a lovely town like this is touched by such crime. Big John working on that case?"

"He did a little bit, but it's the FBI's jurisdiction. They sent an agent out to ask some questions, but then two more agents stopped by to talk to the sheriff. It was a man and a woman."

"Isn't that just like the FBI, thinking they can do a better job than a good old down-to-earth lawman?"

"Yeah, that's just how John feels about it."

"Well, ma'am, I won't keep you from your work any longer. You just let the big ape know his old "Navy" buddy stopped by."

"Will do sir. Bye"

"Bye now!"

***

Back in his car, Foster studied a map of the town. He drove past the impound lot, and parked a block away. He opened a mini bottle of Black Velvet. He took a sip and swished in around his mouth, holding for a long time before swallowing. Then he stumbled to the impound booth.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Hey, thas my car you rotten pigs."

"Can I help you sir?" the man in the booth asked.

"Yeah," he breathed out heavily, "is that SUV over there mine? I come out of the bar, and it was gone. Just tell me, is that mine?"

"What's the license plate number sir?"

"Well who knows that? Stupid question."

"Can you describe it?"

"Yes I can."

Foster described Booth's SUV, and the lot worker checked his records.

"What's your name sir?"

"'s Taylor!"

"No sir, it's not here."

"Well, I see its roof over there." Foster pointed.

"No sir, that's a government vehicle. Sir, maybe you just forgot where you parked, and I think that's a good thing. You really shouldn't be driving until you sober up some."

"Maybe you are right son. I love ya son. You're looking out for a stranger. You're a good kid." Foster said as he stumbled away.

Back in his car, he opened his cell phone and punched a contact.

"Hi Franny, it's Dillon. How are you this morning?"

"Oh Darlin', I'm good. I was just telling my daughter Faith about our dinner last night. She and I are going out to buy some pepper sprays, and we are looking for a self defense class."

"Franny, you are a brilliant woman. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed myself very much last night. Do you think we can get together in a couple of days? Maybe dinner and a movie?"

"Why, I'd just love that Darlin'."

"I'll need to get back to you with the exact day and time. I'm so sorry, but I'm in the middle of some things and just not sure when everything will be finished."

"Oh, you don't need to be sorry. You just call me when the dust settles."

"Thanks Peaches. You take care."

"Bye Darlin'."


	8. Chapter 8

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Eight

Susan H.

Brennan and Booth ate their bagged breakfast.

"I remember Agent Simon went to investigate a bank robbery, and he disappeared. We were going to investigate his disappearance, because some remains turned up," Booth said.

"It sounds right."

"Who's investigating the robbery? Who's looking for us?"

"I don't know."

"I'm just talking it through. Did we find something? Were we getting close? What about local law enforcement?"

"All very valid questions. What made them suspect the remains were Simon's, or was it just that the disappearance and discovery of the remains closely coincided?"

"Those too, are valid questions Bones."

"Well, I don't have a microscope, or bones, or entry wounds, or any way to use science, so talking it through seems my only option."

"Welcome to my world, Bones. Do you like it here?"

"No. It's inefficient, frustrating, and nonsensical."

"Yep, that pretty much sums it up."

"You know Booth, even if I ever changed my opinion of marriage, and I'm not saying I will, I don't want to have any children."

"Whoa, whoa. I think you are spending too much time in my world. Your equilibrium is off."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"You don't want children. Why not?"

"There are enough children pining in the system. I would feel selfish making more, when so many are in need."

"So, are you saying you don't want children, or you don't want to give birth?"

"I don't know, but I can't even have a dog. My lifestyle certainly doesn't allow me to be a caregiver. I like my lifestyle. I don't want to change it."

"Bones, my child, Parker, well he just kind of happened to me. I wouldn't change it for anything. The love I have for him is indescribable. I never thought such a love was possible. But you have given this a lot of thought, and that's okay too. One day, you may change your mind, but your decision is not wrong. I respect that."

"So what about you? Do you want more children?"

"I haven't thought it out nearly as much as you, but I think I could be happy either way."

"Oh, the way you argue for motherhood, I figured you wanted a few more."

"I only argue for parenthood to open your mind to the possibilities. I can see now, you've already thought it through quite thoroughly. I also think that it would be good for you to understand the parent child attachment better. You know, for the job's sake. And.."

"And, what?"

"Well, I think I worried that you based your decision on the fact that you lost your parents so early. I didn't want you to miss out on life's future joys because of your past tragedies."

"You know I hate psychology!"

"It doesn't make you immune to it."

"Well, I think it does."

"Can we get back to tunneling our way out of here?"

"Absolutely."

***

That afternoon, Foster sat outside a bank reading a file. He picked up a greeting card and scribbled a note in it.

_I am Special Agent Foster, with the FBI. I would like to talk to you, but I want to give you a cover story._

He walked into the bank. Inside, he walked up to an open teller.

"Why look at you little Susie, how are you Sweetie?"

The shocked teller looked at him blankly.

"Oh, come on now, don't tell me you don't remember your Uncle Willie. Well, it's been a while, and you were a little thing last I saw you. Your Aunt Mildred insisted I stop by and spend some time with you. I'm passing through on business. "

Foster patted his jacket pockets, "As a matter of fact," he continued patting, "oh, here it is. She sent a little card along with me." He handed the teller the card.

"Look little girl, I don't want to get you in trouble for socializing on the job," He pulled out his wallet, "can you break this hundred for me? Listen, there is a fine looking restaurant just on the corner there, I'd love to treat you to supper, and catch up some. I'll be there at 6:00. I hope you can make it." He took five 20's from her.

"Thanks for the change." He said, and turned to walk out. He saw her reflection in the glass doors reading the card, and then quickly shoving it back into the envelope. He turned and caught her eye. She nodded.

Author's Note: Hi readers. I can see that many people are reading these chapters, but I only have a few comments. It can get discouraging for a writer. So please, take another minute and review this chapter. Is there a part you like a lot? A part you didn't like? All sincere reviews are encouraging. Thank you----Susan


	9. Chapter 9

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Nine

Susan H.

That evening, Foster chose a lonely table, where he could see everyone entering the restaurant.

"Just water, I'm waiting for my niece," He told the waitress when she asked for his drink order. At 6:10, he wondered if she would show. He knew he had taken a chance, but he believed he had a sense about these things. Then he saw her, and gave himself an invisible pat on the back.

"Hi Uncle Willie," she said and kissed his cheek when he stood, "I can't even start to tell you how happy I am to see you."

Foster saw desperation in her eyes.

"Well here we are now Susie, I'm pretty happy to see you too. Let's order our drinks, and start catching up," he said because the waitress was already standing at their table.

"So I heard about the scare little Pauly had up in the woods. How is your brother handling that?"

"Oh, he is such a boy. He wears it like a badge of honor, telling everyone who will listen about the dead body he found. Some of the kids tease him and say he made it up, but he is not backing down."

"Well, I was a boy once, long ago, and a find like that would have given me nightmares."

Susie laughed and said, "Yeah, well Uncle Willie, you weren't raised on a diet of video games and Elm Street movies."

Foster genuinely laughed.

"Susie, you are delightful," he said. The waitress had returned with drinks, and ready to take the rest of their order. They both ordered, and the waitress strode away again.

"So, your mother told your Aunt Mildred that some people believed it was an FBI agent your brother found."

"Yeah, of course, there is no way to prove it since the body disappeared."

"Wow. So, he was investigating a robbery at the

bank you work for?"

"Well, robbery makes it sound so exciting. Actually, Roger, I mean Agent Simon was a forensic accountant. He was investigating some missing funds."

The waitress brought their order.

"Thank you. My niece and I have everything we need for now, and we have a lot of catching up to do. I'll just signal you if we need you. I promise, it won't hurt your tip."

The waitress smiled, and left them to their corner.

"So were you and Roger seeing each other?"

"No. I mean, there was definitely an attraction, but he was "by the book". I believe that things would have changed after the investigation was finished. But, then he didn't show up anymore. No explanation. I had his card, and I tried to call a few times. Then Pauly found that body, and the bank president called a meeting. He and Sheriff Hamill told us that we should not talk to anyone about the case, and if asked, we should refer them to the Sheriff. Then I heard the Sheriff claimed there was no body in the woods. Right after that, I called the alternate number on Roger's card. I told someone at the DC FBI office what happened, but to my knowledge, nothing was done, until now."

"So you never met another agent and his partner, a woman?"

"No."

"Tell me then, do you think Pauly really saw a body, and it disappeared, or do you think he saw something else?"

"Oh, Uncle Willie, he saw a body. I've heard a detailed description of it more times than my stomach can stand. Especially because I believe it was probably, well, Roger. He saw a body. Someone moved it."

They finished eating.

"Well, Susie, Aunt Mildred will be so interested to hear about our visit. Let me walk you to your car. Do you carry pepper spray?"

"No."

Foster pulled his keys out, and detached a fresh can of pepper spray, "Well then, this will fix that," he handed it to her. "I keep it for mean dogs."

"Oh, Thank you."

Foster stayed with her until she was safely buckled in with her motor running. He waved as she pulled away.

***

That night, Booth showered in pitch-blackness. Brennan walked into the bathroom.

"Bones!"

"What?"

"I'm in the shower."

"I'm aware of that."

"Privacy!"

"Booth, I can't see my hand in front of my face, there is no moon. How much more privacy do you need?"

"I need a closed door with you on the other side."

Bones pulled open the shower curtain.

"Bones!"

"I think I remembered something. I think the remains went missing."

"That could have waited. Or, I would have heard you just fine through the shower curtain."

"Hey," Brennan interrupted him.

"What?"

"Do you want me to wash your back?"

Booth was going to strongly protest, but then he thought about 2 days of plaster dust, a sheet less mattress, and an extremely rough blanket, without a shirt.

"Actually, that sounds good. Are you going to be good?"

"Define good."

"Back only."

"Of course." He handed her a soapy rag.

She started at the back of his neck and worked down to the top of his shoulder. Booth folded his arms against the tile, and rested his forehead on them. He enjoyed the backrub as Brennan continued her downward path. Then he stiffened, "Okay Bones. Far enough. Stop there." She stopped, but then softly pressed on a tender spot on his back. She gently massaged, gradually increasing pressure as the muscles loosed. She firmly pushed with both thumbs, and Booth felt a pop. He groaned. "Oh, that's perfect now Bones. Thanks."

"Okay." She left the bathroom, and Booth turned to rinse his back.

***

Brennan sat on the bed waiting for Booth to finish. Her hands felt each product to make sure she had what she needed. She hated trying to dry her body and hair with one little face towel, but was grateful that they had the luxury of soap and water. Things could be much worse, she reasoned. Booth exited the bathroom.

"Your turn," he said.

She ran a bath and poured shampoo under the running water. Grit covered her body, and she wanted a good long soak. She climbed in and leaned back and willed her muscles to relax.

"So do you want me to wash your back?"

Brennan jumped and splashed water.

"Booth, you startled me. I didn't hear you come in."

"Well, if you had closed the door, you would have heard it open.

"It's cooler in here, leaving the door open allows more heat in."

"Of course. So, do you want me to wash you back?"

"Yes, that would be very relaxing."

She soaped up her rag, and handed it to Booth. She pulled up her knees, and rested her forehead on them, while holding her hair on top of her head. Booth started at her neck, and followed the same path Brennan had taken to the top of the shoulders and down her back. Then he gently massaged the ever-present knot in her neck. He worked her neck, and slid his fingers under her shoulder blade. She felt a tender spot there, and his thumb rubbed it in circular motions until it didn't hurt anymore. She moaned.

"Thanks Booth. That feels much better now."

"Enjoy your soak," he said and left the bathroom.

When she finished, she crawled into bed, and Booth instinctively put an arm around her.

"So tomorrow, we should be through the paneling?" she asked.

"That's what I hope. Let's just worry about it tomorrow."

"So this may be our last night here."

"Yes."

She turned to face him, and curled up against his chest. She was asleep in minutes.

A Note from the Author Susan: Hello again. Thanks so much for the reviews! They are encouraging. But as always, sincere reviews are wonderful to receive after each chapter, so if you could, please take the extra minute to leave a review. Also, I was new to the forum, and posted my first three stories very quickly. I would like to remind my readers that this is the fourth story in a series. The first three are: 1. The Memory in the Amneisia, 2. Booths R us, 3. The Death in the vow. If you haven't had the chance, and would like, I think you will enjoy these stories, and they contain backround information for this story. Thanks again!!----Susan H.


	10. Chapter 10

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Ten

Susan H.

Just before dawn, Foster parked his car and walked up into the woods. The sun rose as he started on the path. He followed the trail Pauly had been on when he veered off and found the body. He searched for the most likely place. Recent rains washed away simpler clues. Now, he had to remember being a little boy.

He walked for a half an hour and found a child sized baseball cap, an empty can of Pepsi, and, curiously, a full bottle of dish soap. None of these things whispered any hints to him. Then a ray of sun caught a colorful flash on the ground. He knelt, and laughed.

A small arrow, made of marbles, was pressed into the dirt, and cover with leaves. Pauly must have planned to bring his friends. Foster followed the arrow. He chose a likely spot, and laid his knee on the ground. He gently shifted some dried leaves. He took out his spade, and brushed the soil.

Satisfied the spot would give up some secrets, he slipped on a pair of exam gloves. He removed thin layers of dirt, and found a dark patch. He kept sifting, and jackpot. He pulled a bullet out of the ground with tweezers. He then scooped up the dark earth, and poured it into evidence bags.

He processed the scene for the next half hour, and by 7:30 he walked out of the woods, and to his car. He drove toward DC for an hour and a half. He pulled off the highway, and found a courier. He addressed the box to the Jeffersonian. By 10:45, he was back in Round Hill.

***

"Okay people," Cam said, "Foster has sent us a package by courier. It should be here soon, and that will give us something to focus on."

"What's in the package?" Hodgins asked.

"I don't want to be here if it's parts of Brennan and Booth," Angela cried.

"No Angela, I didn't tell you it was time to panic yet. Actually, Hodgins, it's bugs, slime, and particulates. There is also a bullet. He retrieved these at the site where he believes Agent Simons was murdered."

***

Foster watched Hamill ride through a drive thru, about an hour outside of town. He believed if he followed him now, the Sheriff would know, but it was the only way. He gave Hamill a good lead, and then followed.

***

"I found blood in the soil," Hodgins announced. "I also scraped tissue from the bullet. Dr. Saroyan, is it enough to work with?"

Cam peered into the petri dish, "I'll make this work Dr. Hodgins."

"Also, I found this," he held up a gray strip.

"What is it?"

"This is a fragment of a body bag. The body was moved by someone with access to proper equipment."

"You get a star, Hodgins, I'll call Foster."

***

Booth used the screw to drill a tiny hole through the paneling. It was slow work, but finally, it popped through the other side. Booth pushed his eye up against the hole.

"What do you see?"

"Nothing. An empty hall. We aren't even being guarded!"

"You sound angry."

"Well, I am a sniper trained FBI Special Agent. You are a bona fide forensics genius. You'd think we'd at least warrant a guard."

"I see your point, but now you can just bust through the paneling?"

***

Foster kept his back to the wall of the old motel, and walked sideways toward the door Hamill had entered. His gun was drawn, but he knew he was probably walking into a trap. He wasn't surprised when Hamill reached around the corner and slammed his gun-hand against the concrete wall. Which is why he held his smaller gun in his left hand, and kept the better gun in his right pocket.

Hamill wrapped his beefy arm around Foster's neck, and held his gun to the agent's head as he walked him down three steps and into the motel. He walked him toward the opposite end of the hallway.

"So, you must be my old Navy buddy."

"That's me big guy. You must be the corrupt sheriff in these parts. I already sent proof that you killed Simon, go ahead and kill me too, it should help your defense."

"I don't have to kill you. You can just sit with your friends while I get the hell out of Dodge."

"Where's it gonna be? Mexico? Habla usted Espanol."

The paneling exploded outward, Foster broke Hamill's grip and disarmed him. He reached into his pocket and pulled his gun out with his dominant right hand. He squinted at the end of the hall.

The dust cleared, and there stood Booth. In a loincloth.


	11. Chapter 11

Authors Note: This is the final chapter. It's given freely, and I really want you to enjoy. All I ask in return, is that you consider reviewing it. As you read, pick out those parts you loved or hated. Thanks!!! I really do appreciate the time it takes to read these.----Susan H. P.S. I realize I probably abused the author's note prevision, (there's more at the end,) but I'm an artist. Pushing the limits is what makes me different! LOL I say different, keep all other adjectives to yourself! LOL

Birthday Suits in a Suite

(AKA Booth in a Loincloth)

Chapter Eleven

Susan H.

Later that day, Foster knocked on a blue door. A middle-aged woman opened it.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Agent Foster,"

"Oh, Agent Foster. Let me call Susie down."

"Uncle Willie, come in the kitchen and have some coffee."

"Thank you Susie. Is your brother here?"

"He's around somewhere. What happened to your hand?"

Foster held up his bandaged left hand. "Nothing serious, just a hazard of the job."

"The bank sent us all home."

"Well, I arrested your bank president. He and the sheriff were the bad guys."

"Yes, I heard some rumors. So…"

"So, I stopped here to tell you in person. It was Roger. I'm so sorry. The sheriff moved his body, but he's told us where. I can send you the funeral arrangements."

"I appreciate your kindness. He really was a nice guy."

"Yeah. Your brother left me a little clue that helped break the case."

"Really?"

"Yes. He marked the spot with an arrow made of marbles."

Susie laughed. "Yeah, Paulie and his marbles. It's such an old fashioned game, but he loves it."

"Old fashioned? Child, you make me feel so old. Well, I need to be heading out."

"Okay." Susie stood and hugged Foster. "Thank you Uncle Willie." He chuckled and walked out to his car.

He picked up his phone and hit speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Hi Franny."

"Well hello Darlin'. Has the dust settled?"

Foster smiled at the image of dust settling around Booth.

"It most certainly has. Are you available this evening, around 6:30. We could eat, and catch the 8:20 show."

"That sounds just wonderful. I'll look forward to it like a school girl."

***

Three days later, Brennan and Booth returned to work. Booth walked into the lab and headed to Brennan's office.

"Hey, Tarzan," Hodgins laughed.

Booth pulled his jacket and exposed his gun.

"Dude, this is funny enough to die for."

"You know, I thought Foster was a stand-up guy. I figured he'd keep that to himself."

"No way man. A perfect man wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. He told Cam, and I think he included it in his report." Hodgins continued laughing.

"Thanks Cam," Booth yelled up to the second level. Cam popped her head over the railing. "Hey Booth, do you have any pictures? I mean, like I always said, you look good out of your suit!"

"Okay, let's all get this out of our system now," Booth said.

"No way sexy FBI guy," Angie yelled, and joined Cam. "This one will never die. Can you pose for me, I'll draw that moment."

Booth just nodded his head and kept smiling.

"Thank you all for understanding, and for your concern for our safety. I think I'll go and talk to my partner now." He did so to catcalls and whistles.

He closed Brennan's door to block out the noise.

"How are you Bones?"

"I'm good. My team is better."

"Yeah, I got an earful."

"They are happy that we are safe."

"Yep. Are you sleeping okay? Have you had any problems adjusting?"

"I'm doing fine Booth. That was the best captivity I've ever experienced. I mean, come on, admit it, it was mostly fun."

"Oh, it was a lot of fun. I'd do it again," he smiled into her eyes.

"Me too," she smiled back.

Angie popped her head into the office, "Excuse me, I thought maybe you two felt a bit overdressed."

"I'll talk to you later Angela," Brennan said.

"Oh, I know you will!" Then she looked Booth up and down, and Booth was uncomfortable with the look in her eye.

"Bye Angela," he said to break her gaze. She left.

"Bones, how long do you think this will go on?"

"I don't know Booth, that's your department."

"Would you like to come to my house tonight and eat some Tai. I'm still trying to flush that awful food out of my system."

"I'd like that very much Booth."

Angela spied as they smiled into each other's faces.

The End

Author's Note: The next story in this series is **Athena and Tarzan.** It's one of my favorites. Brennan and Booth are manipulated by a sociopath, take trips down memory lane, so the readers are reminded of some favorite past episode. It ranks high on the creep meter, yet contains plenty of humor to keep things from getting too angsty. It is also part one of a two part story. The story just grew so much, and had so many surprises, that the appropriate thing to do was break it in two at a very natural junction. And for all you fluff lovers---YES, YES, YES, there will be no shortage of fluff either. How far will B & B go to keep the killer from killing again? How reliable is DNA, and what are it's limitations?

Please review this story. Even if you did not like it, or wished it went another way. I value all reviews, positive and negative, as long as they are sincere and respectful. Thank you all who did comment. One more thing, and you may be tired of hearing this, but this is a series of connected stories. So far, I have written nine and posted four. For the best appreciation, I suggest you read any past stories you may have missed.

1 **The Memory in the Amnesia** (Booth's self-control and chivalry are seriously tested by a clueless Brennan)

2 **Booths R Us**, (has comical moments of a drugged Booth! Also, Human Jerky, as in Beef Jerky, plays a lead role. How much more icky can death get)

3. **The Death in the Vow** (Booth makes clear to Brennan the onlythink he is willing to risk their friendship for. And it's not casual sex! Also, this investigates when bad things happen to good people. The answers are just not always clear. Unselfish love can lead us all to incredible sacrifice and selflessness.) **Also, this one has the least readers. If you think you know why---spill. It does deal with some very serious emotions, but Brennan and Booth get even closer in this one.**

4. And of course this story, which you just finished. **Birthday Suits in a Suite**. No matter which way our heroes think they are going, the Universe has a way of drawing them together!)

Again, I hope you are enjoying my take on the B n B romance and relationshiop development. And--not to nag---or maybe I am nagging, I can never tell, please post reviews. They give me that warm squishy feeling we all love so much. A Humble Thank You to ALL!!!!--Susan H.


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